I never really realized how addicted to pleasing everyone I actually was. I love being involved, I love doing awesome work, I love compliments, and I love name drops like when people say “Oh, Staphon did that.” (in a positive way of course.) And so, I try to do things like this as much as I can.
But of course, when you agree to do all of these things, agree to be Super, yet, you don’t have any actual Super Powers, it is easy to burn yourself out.
I hate using that word ever since Jonny Liu informed us that to be burned out is taboo, if you are doing the will of God, he will give you energy and you will never be burned out. So when I was on the verge of throwing a fit and crying in an alley in the rain, very movie frustration scene like, I realized that I must be out of alignment with what God wanted me to do. I thought through all of my priorities and I knew that there was nothing in my list that wasn’t supposed to be there, I was doing the Will of God, but it was just not working out as well as it should have.
Then I realized, maybe its not something I am doing, but something I am NOT doing.
“But Staphon, if you are doing so much, how could doing one more thing help to lighten the load?”
Well, I realized I once again was that I wasn’t putting God First. Yes, I credited everything I did to doing the will of God, trying to please him, but in doing all this, I never really had time to actually sit down with God and be in his presence, and listen to him.
Needing to be more intentional about spending time with God, I asked my Girlfriend to keep me accountable, which is something everyone should have, an accountability partner, someone who will make sure you are being intentional and staying on path in your faith. APU has a way of doing this in groups called D-Groups (Discipleship Groups) where you have a group of people that you either can form or you can join in with (depending on if you want to do it with people you know) and you can meet for bible studies. I have never had time for one personally, but I have a lot of friends who do it and they love it, and in turn they keep me accountable.
So, I feel like I can be a lot more productive now, since God is taking a lot of my load, and I am no longer burnt out. Another lesson in our school motto of God first down.