Wisdom from my dear friend, Francesca: “Listen up to what God has to say. He tends to be the loudest when we’re the loneliest.”
The South Africa semester has recently journeyed from Pietermaritzburg to the beautiful Cape Town. We have about two weeks left in Africa.
I’ve been feeling lonely recently. And when I feel lonely in a foreign country, such as South Africa, I often feel the need to talk to my best friend, who happens to be my mother. It’s been weeks since I last spoke with her.
The internet here is not exactly reliable… therefore, I haven’t even been able to email my mom and let her know how she can pray for me, which is somewhat discouraging, and rather frustrating.
And I was crying out to God.
“DADDY! WHY will you not let me talk to my mom?! It’s been forever! And I need her!!!”
(Don’t read this next part, Mom.)
And God said, “Ren. I am all you need. You are whole in me.”
I processed this.
“Yeah. God, you are so RIGHT!” Because, let’s face it. Mom can’t be with me now, thanks to stinky internet and, oh yeah, THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS of miles and oceans and all that jazz.
But God CAN be with me.
And He IS.
When this epiphany sunk in, and I relinquished any intention of skyping the madre, GUESS WHAT.
I got to talk to my mom.
God, now you’re just showing off!
Alas, when the internet worked well enough to carry on a conversation, we had to leave OF COURSE. But it was ok. I caught Mom up and let her know there was air in my lungs. Therefore, all is right in the world.
So, because my roommate Debs is legitimately AMAZING, of course we had a life changing conversation on the way home.
We were talking about being homesick. (A common topic these days.) Debs commented, “I’m already homesick for Pietermaritzburg. And when I get home, I know I’ll be homesick for Cape Town. So I know that I’ll always be homesick for somewhere else. Because even now, I’m homesick for a place I’ve never been.”
She had puzzled me on that last one. “What do you mean?”
“I’m homesick to be with God in Heaven.”
This goofy, GINORMOUS smile crept on my face and WOULD NOT GO AWAY!!! It was great. Debs couldn’t stop laughing at my goofy smile and I couldn’t stop smiling goofily. We were obviously meant to be roommates.
When I finally gained control of my face, Debs asked, “Have you been reflecting on your time recently?”
“Absolutely! I feel like I almost reflect too much. At the beginning of the semester, I felt like I learned lessons EVERY DAY. Which was awesome. But right now, I feel like I’m on the brink of this HUGE lesson that’s taken a while to be taught to me. But I can’t quite decide what it is.”
After dinner, I decided what that lesson was.
Here it is:
God is teaching me to place EVERYTHING in Him. Seriously, EVERYTHING: my confidence, my worth, love, belonging, trust, hope, dreams, desires, fun, attitude, and HOME.
I realized today that if I was somehow able to make God my home, that would pretty much fix ALL my life’s problems.
Where do you feel most comfortable? Where are you always loved? Where do you always feel safe? Where do you want to go when you hurt? Where do you store your treasures? Where are the ones that will always love you, through thick and thin, pain and joy?
God is our home. I don’t have to try to BE anyone else when I am with Him! I am enough for Him, JUST as I am! But I’m not JUST me. Because, really? It’s FOUR for the price of one:
Me, God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.
They live in me.
So, I’m never alone. And I can’t place worth in JUST myself, because that would be like ignoring ¾ of me!
Basically, I’m never alone, I don’t have to fight for acceptance, I never have to feel like I’m not at home, or feel afraid because God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are with me.
I’ve found my home.
And just like Dorothy and Toto, I had to leave my house and go to another world to find what I’ve been looking for, even though it’s been there the entire time.
Ladies and Gentlemen:
I have found my home.
I am home. No matter where I am or who I’m with, or what my situation is, I am at home.
It’s such a great word, isn’t it?