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Enlightenment. Bliss. Meditation. Pleasure for pleasure’s sake. Spiritual awakening.
These are all major themes of Elizabeth Gilbert’s memoir, Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia, which I am reading right now in connection to one of my classes here at LCC (Lithuania Christian College).
And I have to say, the book is making me realize that though I may be fairly self-aware, though I may be somewhat of a risk-taker ... I am far from enlightened. I am far from blissful. Meditate? I probably could not do it to save my life. But in fact, Gilbert claims that it did exactly that. Thus, it might be worth a shot.
Truth be told, I am still have my doubts when it comes to the ultimate meaning of life. Growing up, my exposure to organized religion was minimal - limited to prayers before dinner at a childhood friend’s home with a heavy dose of the lapse in faith experienced by both my parents. Their theory was that they would let me decide on my own. Eventually I did, but I still have quite a few gaps of understanding to fill. In other words, my road to true spirituality still has its bumps in the distance.
For my current Psychology of Religion course, I read an article written by someone who performs “spiritual healing”. The article describes how many people suffer from a ‘totally fluid’ mind-body connection. That is, there is so much static (a.k.a. anxious energy) playing in the background that their spiritual lives are continuously interrupted.
To me, this notion sounds about right. I actually envy people’s ability to meditate. I really do. I think the kindest thing we can do for ourselves is to sit and just be. Problem is: I can't seem to stop fidgeting.
In Eat, Pray, Love, Gilbert spends time in Rome learning Italian and tasting every gelato flavor ever made. In India, she spends months at an Ashram trying to remain still and master the art of meditation. In Indonesia, she spends time with a medicine man and healer. Could I ever just allow myself several months in the pursuit of greater spiritual understanding?
As I spend four months abroad in Lithuania, this thought makes me ponder. Essentially, I am here to study, to finish my degree, and to graduate from college. On the other hand, I am here to explore and to gain a better awareness of the world. But every time I travel I hold an internal need to have a schedule packed to the brim. Every second of every day must be filled with things to do, places to visit, and people to see.
Last week in Sweden for example, there was not a second of the day which I was not moving. From the Royal Opera performance, to the ice hockey game, to the Vasa Museum, to the boat tour … Did I ever just take the time to sit, enjoy, and be thankful for all that surrounded me? Sadly, no. And now that I reflect upon it, this seems quite self-indulgent.
I would like to relinquish control. I would love to be able to just sit - and be - and hush the static. I would love to be able to be more in tune with my body and have a more open mind. But I fear I will attack this like I attack all the other things on my ‘to-do’ list. Somehow “get enlightened” seems like a very strange thing to put on one’s list of things to cross off. But sadly, “finding God” seems to often fall in this category.
To combat this notion, I turn to the words of my theology teacher, Dr. Steve Dintaman. “In the end, you come to realize that many of the things you have worked so hard for do not mean much. We each have the potential to make our imprint on this world but we also need to realize we are simply tiny grains of sand in the big picture.”
I think that I will skip going out to the movies tonight. Instead, I may just sit and wait for the silence to come.
