Domestic and Dating Violence
What is domestic and dating violence?
Domestic and dating violence (also called relationship violence or intimate partner violence) is emotional, verbal, sexual, and/or physical abuse inflicted on a dating, domestic, or intimate partner to gain power or control.
Dating violence is violence committed by a person who is or has been in a social relationship of a romantic or intimate nature with the complainant. The term “domestic violence” includes felony or misdemeanor crimes of violence committed by
- a current or former spouse of the complainant, or by
- a person with whom the complainant shares a child in common, or by
- a person who is cohabiting with or
- has cohabited with the complainant as a spouse, or by
- a person similarly situated to a spouse of the complainant under the domestic or family violence laws of California, or by
- any other person against an adult or youth complainant who is protected from that person’s acts under the domestic or family violence laws of the jurisdiction.
Behaviors to look for in a violent relationship
Question relationships with a partner who:
- Abuses alcohol or other drugs.
- Has a history of trouble with the law, gets into fights, breaks and destroys property.
- Chooses not to work or go to school.
- Blames you for how they treat you, or for anything bad that happens.
- Puts down people, including your family and friends, or calls them names. This can be to their face or behind their back.
- Is always angry with someone or at something.
- Tries to isolate you and control whom you see or where you go.
- Nags you, guilts you, pressures you, or forces you to be sexual when you don’t want to be.
- Cheats on you.
- Is physically rough with you in ways that you don’t like (push, shove, pull, yank, squeeze, restrain, etc.).
- Takes your money, makes you pay for everything, or runs up bills on your credit.
- Accuses you of flirting or “coming on” to others, or accuses you of cheating on them.
- Doesn’t listen to you or show interest in your opinions or feelings; things have to be done their way.
- Ignores you, gives you the silent treatment, or hangs up on you.
- Lies to you, doesn’t show up for dates, or disappears for days without contact.
- Makes vulgar comments about others in your presence or about you to others.
- Blames all arguments and problems on you.
- Tells you how to dress or act.
- Threatens suicide if you break up with them, or tells you that they cannot live without you.
- Experiences extreme mood swings, tells you you’re great one minute and rips you apart the next minute.
- Tells you to shut up or tells you you’re dumb, stupid, fat, or calls you some other name (directly or indirectly).
- Compares you (negatively) to former partners.
You may be in an abusive relationship if you:
- Feel afraid to break up with your partner.
- Feel tied down or like you have to check-in.
- Feel afraid to make decisions or bring up certain subjects because your partner might get mad.
- Tell yourself that if you just try harder and love your partner enough that everything will be fine.
- Blame yourself for not being good enough.
- Find yourself crying a lot, being depressed or unhappy.
- Find yourself worrying and obsessing about how to please your partner and keep them happy.
- Find the physical or emotional abuse getting worse.
Adapted from The Red Flag Campaign.
What to do if you are experiencing domestic and dating violence:
If you or someone you know has experienced domestic and dating violence, please know that assistance is available. Azusa Pacific encourages all community members to seek help and report incidents of domestic and dating violence.
- Call 911 or the Department of Campus Safety at (626) 815-3898 if you feel you are in danger.
- If you need assistance with living arrangements due to safety issues or you would like to discuss a safety plan, contact an advocate from the Women’s Resource Center at (626) 815-2068.
- Make a plan of what to do and where to go if you are in danger.
- Consider requesting a protective order through the court system. An advocate from the Office of the Associate Dean of Students, (626) 815-2067, or from the Department of Campus Safety, (626) 815-3898, can help explain the protective order process to you.
- Help is available from many resources on and off campus. Learn about available resources and what to do if you or someone you know has been a victim of domestic and dating violence.
- Abusers will often isolate their victims. Share what’s happening with a trusted friend or reach out to friends and family you may have not connected with in a while. It is important to have a good support system.
- Consider seeking medical care as needed, even if your injuries look like they have healed. You might have internal injuries that can only be assessed by a medical professional.
- Consider talking with a counselor who is trained to assist you with the emotional impact of relationship violence. You can contact the University Counseling Center at (626) 815-2109.
- To assist you in accessing resources and understanding reporting options, contact the Title IX Coordinator or any of the Title IX Deputy Coordinators.
- You have a right to stay in the university. The Title IX Coordinator has resources to help you get through tough semesters, or options if you are considering taking a break from school.
Reporting Domestic and Dating Violence
- Azusa Pacific encourages you to contact the police if you have experienced any act of domestic and dating violence. If the act of domestic and dating violence occurred on campus, contact the Department of Campus Safety, (626) 815-3898. If the act of domestic and dating violence occurred off campus, contact the police department in the locality where the act occurred.
- If you are or have been a victim of domestic and dating violence by a student, consider making a report to the Title IX Coordinator, (626) 815-2067. Domestic and dating violence violates the Sexual Harassment, Stalking and Sexual Violence Policy. Learn more about the Title IX investigation process and your rights and responsibilities in that process.
- If you are, or have been, a victim of relationship violence by a professor, staff person, or other employee of the university, consider making a report to the Title IX Coordinator at (626) 815-2067 or to Human Resources at (626) 815-4526.